Somewhere somedays before i read a line. . . I think it was over some "miss you" card.From then the line keeps on
lingering around my thoughts.And that line is
"It's difficult to carry on without you. . . "
Is it not as simple as that. . . actually its not the line that's special.But its the thought about someone which made
when one realise its difficult to carry on without someone,I think it must lead to a begining.May be,begining of a love
or new life or a hope or whatsoever.
But with me its different.When I realised "It's difficult to carry on without you. . " , I really decided to carry on
without you.And the reason is. .well, I don wanna quote any reason bcuz reasons are always boring.what matters
is what is actually happening.only what we face is substantial.Reasons and other logics simply vanish with time.
Now, coming back to my love or more correctly the lost love- still struggling for the right vocabulary as love cud never be
lost bcuz its not a possession.Its an obsession.
It took me several nights,several whys, several why nots to decode that the thing disturbing my heart is "love".
I loved feeling that way."when your heart is laden with love,the world u c becomes beautiful.And there ll be flying colors and
tunes within your head".
I filled my diary with many such stupid lines and poems.I was enjoying this stupidity.
I was enjoying this till "the rational me" gained upper hand.one reality check and I found my love bare,bare of anything
that makes sense.I cud put it in words simply.But the moment I exactly felt it bare, I was broken.Again am falling short of vocabulary
"broken" does not completely explain how it felt like.
I decided to give up.I was through this process of giving up for over some time.I was chewing the pill I had taken.It was
equally hard to spit or swallow.It was not less painful to chew either.I was sick of all these.
Finally,one night I was able to convince myself completely to give it up.yup. .I let it go.
But from the next day to till this second,am feeling extremely light.To put it right,feel as if am carrying a hollow
empty head everywhere.Nothing excites me,upsets me,interests me.I don't know if am unaffected by anything or too much
affected by this 'let it go' thing.
And this line on the "miss you" card reminded me of something which i shud not be reminded about forever.A string of the guitar inside
my head was pulled.Now,I realise
"It's difficult to carry on without you. . .
but its far more difficult to carry on with a love that is bare of any . . . "